im drinking this country out of the recession.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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