By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
