I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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