I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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