Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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