I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize