12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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