we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
