I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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