dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
