I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
