Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
