I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
