is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
