either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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