im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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