fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
