tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
