What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
