Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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