His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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