So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
