he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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