I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
