can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
