we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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