Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize