So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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