he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
