I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
