Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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