so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
