My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
