Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
