Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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