i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize