Your tits are I can't wait for
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
