my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
