Will you blow on my dice?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
