She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
