I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
