if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
