WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
