at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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