What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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