The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
