I think I died a long time ago.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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