Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
