I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
