I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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