My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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