shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
please come you make the beer taste better
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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