think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
