Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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