it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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