I wanna passion pit in your ass
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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