Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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