I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
