So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
