I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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