you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Quick, to the slutcave!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
nutella sex= disaster
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
