My nipple is on Facebook.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
