party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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