I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
