It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's always time for handjobs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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