i just google imaged poop.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
