Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
two words: eviction party
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize