Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Don't make out with my wife yet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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