I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
