shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
