Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
