i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
