literally had 100 drinks last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
