It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
